beauty #19: first loves

day #3: your first love

SO weird that this is the topic for today considering whit-whit and i were talking about him just the other day! i've been lucky (or unlucky...depending on how you look at it) enough to have been in love just once in my life.

meet robert.

he was my high school boyfriend of 3 years. i was 14 and crazy about him. he and his family went to the same church as my family. he was a baseball player...ohhh yes. he was charming. so goodlooking. we fell for each other hard and fast. we were your typical high school relationship: completely consumed with each other. we woke up...called each other. met at school. he walked me to class. met after school. went to our practices...he game to my volleyball/soccer matches. i went to his baseball games. we would hang out after. go home. talk on the phone...and more than likely...fall asleep on the phone. then...start our day all over again. looking back now...it just seems silly and crazy. but that's just what we were...silly and crazy about each other...at least in the beginning.

time eventually began to take its toll on our relationship...and maturity. he was a year younger than i was...we started dating my freshman year and when my senior year rolled around...the realization of me leaving and going to college was starting to sink in and it wore us down. i still loved him and wanted to make it work...he had different plans. it was the day before thanksgiving...that night actually. we were on the phone...we had made plans to drive separate from my parents to alpharetta to have thanksgiving lunch with my family. then drive back to newnan later and have dinner with his family. we said i love you and goodnight and hung up the phone. about 1 minute later...he called back. weird. i answered and thats when i heard it: we have to take a break..i cant do this anymore. and so the pain began. i wont go into the rest of the details of our breakup...to sum it all up, i found out he cheated and that was the end of that. so like i said...lucky enough to have loved someone...unlucky enough to have had my heart broken and my world completely shattered. but only for a little while. life moved on and so did he. he is actually engaged now and i couldnt be happier for him. all i ever wanted was for him to be happy...thats all i will ever want. i was blessed that he was part of my life...i learned so much from our relationship and i grew as a woman because of him. looking back, i am nothing but greatful.

what are those lyrics? i wish that i knew what i know now...when i was younger. i wish i had known that smothering someone NEVER works. i wish i had known that i couldve spent more time cherishing and making memories with my friends. i wish i had known that in the end, the little nit-picky things really DONT matter. i wish i known that heartache is just that...an ACHE. i wish i had known that i could move on...im still stuck on the fact that im going to get hurt no matter what...so letting people in has gotten pretty difficult. but i'm still learning.

thats the beauty of any relationship.